The Day the Internet Broke

I came across a post on a friend's timeline, and found a gem in the comments. 😁 And as meme kings know, some memes write themselves. I just had to stitch the two together. Feel free to download it for next time you enter the dating scene (right-click, save as.)

Also, if a man can still spells like a true Shakespearian gentleman while a sugar muffin is covering him with warm brown lava, one has to honor his legacy with at least a meme. That's why Trump - that got golden-showered in Moscow, hack the FSB for the video - has so many memes dedicated to his legacy. 

Die Staat versus wit Schalk van der Merwe in die saak van aanranding teen 'n swart prokureursklerk

Op 'n Facebook 'haatgroepie' waar al sewe lede die gek skeer met ene Schalk van der Merwe het 'n plasing verskyn waarin Hannes Lottering se plasing oor 'n beweerde aanranding as skermgreep verskyn. Ek weerhou die groep se naam omdat dit 'n private groep is waarvan Van der Merwe nie weet nie en lede alte vermaaklik oor die twee skinder. 

As duiwelsadvokaat wil ek graag die heer Van der Merwe se verdediging behartig rakende bogenoemde aangeleentheid. 

An Ode to the Graphic Gods

 

A new year, new resolutions, and cleaning out old junk. Because, you know, aging is a pain and politics can really cause some wrinkles.

In the Beginning was the Tooth Fairy

Came across a post in an atheist group on Facebook where an undercover zombie challenged us sane people to explain how everything came into being, if his god-thingy doesn't exist as we say and science can prove. According to his religiotic reasoning we have no right to doubt his claims of the existence of his god, if we cannot prove how the universe was created and by whom.

We tried telling him the fact that when we - read: science - do not know something, is no excuse that someone else's made-up story must be true then. But that sane logic is just too many oxygen levels above his.

I therefore created a totally plausible religion of my own, and I think if we all launch a Spanish crusade 2.0 and do some bitch burnings and throwing virgins down a mineshaft, we'll be able to establish my new religion.

Here's the first chapter:

In the beginning, there was nothing. Then the Tooth Fairy said: Let there be shit. And so there was shit, and the Tooth Fairy was pleased to at last have a universe that she could exist in herself. (Fuck knows where she was before she created the universe, which is the term for 'everything.')

After experiencing another 2 billion years of boredom, the Tooth Fairy said: Let there be life. And so there was life, in the form of one cell micro-organisms. The Tooth Fairy was pleased and farted a gassy planet called Jupiter out of pure joy.

After waiting another billion years or so for the one cell thingies to split up and become a lot of cells sticking together to form bigger life forms, the Tooth Fairy gotten bored again.

So the Almighty Tooth Fairy said: Let there be teeth. And so there was teeth, and that's how you gotten yours.

Happy now? If you don't believe me, you'll have to go for eternity after death without teeth. So you better believe the shit I cannot prove.

As unbelievable as this all sounds, always remember that the Tooth Fairy pays for teeth in mysterious ways. Do not question it, just believe like a gullible child.

Oh, and do remember to pay 10% of your income to my new church. It's a nice set of teeth you have there. Will be a pity if something should happen to it.

Sal 'n Enema in Boerbare se Gatte Op Hul van Onnooslikheid Genees?

'n Kwasi-sanger affie plopse wat bedags by 'n gatgrouery met 'n fensie Engelse titel staat en skrop met kooperasie syftie boots saam is van mening dat 'hulle' - seker die nare swart anti-Chris Kommunistiese Kapitalistiese regering né, as sy regse politieke uitkyk en puur onkunde gebekyk worre - hulle se entstof in hulle se gatte moet opdruk. O ja, ewe met 'n Trump-skroutjie agterna, die uitroepteken, soos die leser op die komende skermgreep sal sien. Afrikaners gebruik tog die skreeteken te veel en die vraagteken te min.

How Little Jenny Got Three Questions Answered

Little Jenny walked into the kitchen one day and looked up at her mother, who was busy cooking dinner. "Mommy, how old are you?" she asked.

Mavis vannie Lavis innie Malhuis

Op Facebook is 'n 'Kaapse Kleurlingvrou' (ek het nie 'n fokken clue of dit polities-korrek is nie) wat skerp van tong, en moersnaaks is. Dink Patricia de Lille, net tien keer beter. As sy in jul parlement was het Malema homself aan Floyd Shivambu se snot opgehang. 

Soek haar op FB onder die naam 'Mavis Vannie Lavis', as jy hou van eg-Kaapse vermaak op jou timeline. 

  Elk geval, kom ek op 'n plasing van haar af wat ek sonder haar toestemming net so gaan kopieër en hier plak, sodat as FB die dag haar account verban, van haar skerp skryfstyl darem behoue sal bly op die internet wat klaar so min Afrikaans het. Sy het darem wel haar plasing in die publieke domein geplaas op 'n platform wat haar nie betaal nie, so ek reken darem nie sy sal omgee vir ekstra publisiteit nie. 

  Sy bring glo volgende jaar 'n boek uit, dis absoluut 'n vereiste dat al sewe my lesers hul spaarvarkies begin gereedkry daarvoor. As mens na haar plasings op FB kyk en hoe sy dinge beskryf gaan haar boek een van daardie wees wat nie net gekoop gaan word nie, maar beslis gelees gaan word ook. Capies weet mos hoe om 'n ding te beskryf soos geen niemand anders in die wêreld nie. 

The Most Hilarious Police Page on All of the Internet

The Facebook page of Polk County Sheriff's Office is undoubtedly the coolest police page you'll ever come across anywhere. Why? Because of the way they describe crime. 🤣 It's absolutely hilarious, and a must to follow that page. Whomever is managing their page and creating the photoshopped photos they use as illustrations is a huge asset to them. It's my creation on top, but one of theirs is just above their story below. 

It makes one feel good about society and police doing their work well. This specific county's cops apparently have a passion for apprehending criminals, and I think it's because they maintain a high morale there.

To give you a taste, I copied one of their posts, and post it below.

Diary of a Brit Loving Africa's Sun

Not for sensitive readers!

DIARY OF A POMMIE IN ELLISRAS LIMPOPO, SOUTH AFRICA

August 31

Just got transferred with work from Leeds UK to our new home in Ellisras , Limpopo, South Africa on a mining contract. What a break out from hell!

Now this is a town that knows how to live! Wow!

Beautiful, sunny days and warm, balmy evenings.

I watched the African sunset from a deckchair by our pool yesterday.

It was beautiful.

I've finally found my new home.

I love it here.

September 13

Really heating up now.

It got to 31 today.

No problem though.

Living in air-conditioned home, driving air-conditioned car.

What a pleasure to see the sun every day like this.

I'm turning into a sun-worshipper - no blasted perpetual rain like back in Leeds !!

How to Make Money with Free Blogging: Easy Step by Step Instructions

  In one of the many RV/traveling groups I belong to on Facebook, Full Time RV Living, a woman recently asked what she can do to earn an income as retiree while traveling in her and her husband’s RV. The OP threw quite a stick in the chicken pen with her question. Apparently everyone RV’ing seems to be interested in doing just that, first time ever I see so many people typing ‘following’ in a thread in a group on FB.

  A number of really useful ideas popped up, but as the OP Tamara Lynn specified, she’s looking for something not entailing sales. Thus nosy me just had to chip in. :)

  

  I currently have 7 blogs, of which this one is the black sheep that I only started very recently. Really not much going on here, but it’s due to change in future. I’m still not really sure where this blog should fit in with my plans to take over the world. But I earn money blogging from my other blogs, and just one of them pays all my bills for very little work daily. If I get a heart attack now I know my bills will still get paid for months, due to the passive income nature of blogging. I know some bloggers that earn a whopping hundred thousand dollars a month from blogging only.