In the Beginning was the Tooth Fairy

Came across a post in an atheist group on Facebook where an undercover zombie challenged us sane people to explain how everything came into being, if his god-thingy doesn't exist as we say and science can prove. According to his religiotic reasoning we have no right to doubt his claims of the existence of his god, if we cannot prove how the universe was created and by whom.

We tried telling him the fact that when we - read: science - do not know something, is no excuse that someone else's made-up story must be true then. But that sane logic is just too many oxygen levels above his.

I therefore created a totally plausible religion of my own, and I think if we all launch a Spanish crusade 2.0 and do some bitch burnings and throwing virgins down a mineshaft, we'll be able to establish my new religion.

Here's the first chapter:

In the beginning, there was nothing. Then the Tooth Fairy said: Let there be shit. And so there was shit, and the Tooth Fairy was pleased to at last have a universe that she could exist in herself. (Fuck knows where she was before she created the universe, which is the term for 'everything.')

After experiencing another 2 billion years of boredom, the Tooth Fairy said: Let there be life. And so there was life, in the form of one cell micro-organisms. The Tooth Fairy was pleased and farted a gassy planet called Jupiter out of pure joy.

After waiting another billion years or so for the one cell thingies to split up and become a lot of cells sticking together to form bigger life forms, the Tooth Fairy gotten bored again.

So the Almighty Tooth Fairy said: Let there be teeth. And so there was teeth, and that's how you gotten yours.

Happy now? If you don't believe me, you'll have to go for eternity after death without teeth. So you better believe the shit I cannot prove.

As unbelievable as this all sounds, always remember that the Tooth Fairy pays for teeth in mysterious ways. Do not question it, just believe like a gullible child.

Oh, and do remember to pay 10% of your income to my new church. It's a nice set of teeth you have there. Will be a pity if something should happen to it.