The Zombie Shop That Got No Virgins

   This is a true story, and you know it's true because you're reading it here. 😂 Christian logic, huh.

The following really happened with me this morning.

  A while ago the old man that owned a little convenience store close nearby me died of genealogical bat bite complications. (Just me trying to find a new term for Coronavirus complications. A bat bit a Chinese, or the Chinese guy bit an infected bat, and the disease passed on from one to another.)

   Anyway, the shop stood closed for some weeks. Then a man, I assume a Pakistani, and Muslim by faith I found out today, bought it from the bereaved family.

  The building got a new paint job, new shelves, improved modern lighting, was properly stocked, new tile floors, the works. The shop looked smart and modern when it opened up again two weeks ago, with much longer business hours as well, while the whole upmarket neighborhood is still asleep. The shop used to be a bit run down before then, with the white owner having had it for decades. Much lower prices now too.

But no customers came. Okay, fine, a few did over the past two weeks. But not nearly as many as it used to have. Every time I went there, like 5 times the past two weeks, it was almost always only me and the new shop owner in there, and perhaps twice another customer fleeing from the zombie shop. 

 The image one have in your mind after leaving there is that you fell in a deep sleep for 20 years, and just before you woked up the pest had broken out, and everyone on the planet died, and killed all birds and animals too, and everything had gone silent as if the earth is holding its breath in anticipation of a cat meowing somewhere. So silent. 

It is a pretty weird description of a modern-looking little store with everything one would like from such a shop. 

  This morning I went over there for some healthy lifestyle killers - things with harmful chemicals like preservatives in it - and found the owner looking pretty down, here on International Mental Health Day. And he then asked me why business is so slow, what do I think is the reason.

  Now, all seven my international readers know that I believe the culprit for most problems in life have erroneous beliefs - more specifically, religious beliefs - as underlying contributing factor, either indirectly or directly. Beliefs, when founded on bullshit and no evidence, translates directly into the actions the victim of those beliefs take, and clashes almost always with reality. 

  And so I took a stroll through his shop, advising him to move his high-profit items like chocolates and chips close to the till (it's currently at the back of the shop) to prevent theft and to encourage impulse buying from customers. Simple, sound advice, based on evidence from all successful shops doing it. And to move one little display fridge to a different location to make that area look less dead, etc. 

  The whole time something bothered me. And then it struck me. The silence. The tiles making you feel you intrude into a morgue because it is so dead silent in there you can hear your footsteps. You don't hear a thing but that and your own potentially infected breath. 

"Where's your music?", I asked him. Pretty much every store I know plays a radio in the background, it has a proven psychological effect on customers to feel more at ease, spend more time in store, and to buy more. Simple if you think about it, and backed up by many scientific studies. 

  Some shops around here still sell CD's in this day and age from Virgin Music, even those old records of yesteryear are making a big comeback now. One of these days I'm going to reverse-play a Beetles single to listen for Satanist messages. 

  But this little store didn't even have a radio. The place where the previous owner's radio stood was now just a blank wall with the shelf removed. 

"No no no", and I kid you not when I say I saw a brief glimpse of manic fear in his eyes when he said this, "my religion doesn't allow for music."

 Oh my fucking word. I was blown out of my depth for a second when I heard it. Can you imagine music to be a sin? WTF is wrong with music? It is not like he has to play 'I want no short dick man' or 'Allahu Allahu I like it' or some other vulgar shit, even classical music will do the trick to make the shop more appealing to customers. Music is vital in a shop frequented by customers. 

  Being as anti-religiot as one gets, I lost my patience with him right there and then. His religious beliefs, that he indirectly forces down on all of his customers, are quite literally killing a business that succeeded under the previous owner for decades.

   I'll rather leave out what I told him, and where Allah can stick a broom to scratch his vocal cords full of bullshit, but I'm expecting him to show up with a suicide vest at my door in future. And still no music in his shop. 

I'll just chase him away by blasting my radio at him.